::Bipolar...the balance of opposites

If somebody told me 5 years ago I have bipolar, I probably would have said they didn't know shit and walked away. I didn't understand what bipolar was and I didn't want to.  Looking back this is so crazy knowing my best mate Brucey aka Dad has lived with bipolar for 10 years. It took me having a manic episode, being handcuffed and  taken to hospital, before I was finally diagnosed with bipolar. It was a pretty hectic journey that lead me here. I was first diagnosed with perfectionism after struggles with anxiety and depression. I was then diagnosed with depression after a severe anxiety attack in Mexico and put on antidepressants. These antidepressants made me feel that good, I didn't need to sleep much...so I thought it would be a sweet idea to party a lot and spend all my money on bar tabs for the surf team, quit my tequila marketing job and start a charity called where the party at!?

I thought I was finally living the dream until I decided to steal a surf club paddle board and paddle around the semi final of Australian Surf Open. 5 minutes later I was handcuffed and taken to the mental health ward of Manly Hospital. 10 days later I was to find out the reason I had gone from being a cruiser with a smile on the outside, but anxiety and depression battles on the inside, to a maddawg who was going so fast I was losing sense of reality...was because I have bipolar and I had been put on the wrong medication. The antidepressants had lifted me so high up, I hit the manic state of bipolar. I thought I was living the dream, when actually I was creating a fuckin nightmare...I just couldn't see it coming.

But it's not all bad. If that didn't happen I would probably still be battling on with anxiety and depression today and pretending to be sweet. For some reason hitting rock bottom made me accept having bipolar. I was actually like thank fuck, at least I know what I have now. Some people ask me what bipolar is and what it's like to live with. The way I see it is we're all different and we all have our ups and downs, but when you have bipolar the ups and downs can be more extreme.

For me the extreme ups can be manic episodes and I have experienced two of these where I have ended up in hospital. These are so fun until you hit hospital then they really really suck. The downs for me are depression and anxiety. The medication I take is lithium and it basically balances you in the middle to protect you from the highs and lows. The shit thing is that it dulls your mood, so it takes away some of your natural highs. If I didn't have to I would ditch the meds for sure, but for now it's part of my recipe to manage bipolar, along with saltwater, surfing and good people and I'm constantly trying to find the right recipe to make me feel good and keep me balanced.

Different people have different experiences with bipolar. Some have lows that last for weeks, some years. Some have never been to hospital for a manic episode and some are in an out of hospital way too much. At the end of the day we're all good people trying to navigate life with the funks that come our way. Let's have each other's backs no matter what you have, because you can't beat kindness and a whole lot of love.

Massive thank you to the ledgies who have had my back. I frickin love ya.

Here's to a bagus year in 2015!

BIG BEAR HUG xx