THANKS to you rad humans, 2013 has been the year I have...embraced having bipolar and I have got nothing but big love and kindness in return.

In Feb this year when we launched Onewave I started to open up more about having bipolar. If people asked why we started Onewave, I would tell them how I had been diagnosed with bipolar and how surfing had helped me get through a funk.  I didn’t know what the reaction would be. I didn’t know whether people would freak out or just wouldn’t know what to say.

I have been so lucky that I have had the most amazing humans around me this year – family, friends and strangers. Not only have you made me feel it is ok to have bipolar, but you have inspired me to keep sharing my story. THANK YOU for your rad love and support- you have given me the confidence back to be myself again and that feels effin radJ

Since putting myself out there, I have discovered that there are so many other people, just like you and me, who are impacted by mental illness. We don’t pick mental illness it chooses us and sometimes it is the people you least expect that it hits. Some people are open about it and others choose to hide it from their friends and family because there is still so much social stigma out there. The crazy thing is, we are all trying to find a way to beat it, because it hurts like hell, but it is so damn hard, because we don’t talk about it.

If your lucky you might find the right doctor and pych straight away, but if you are like me you might struggle for months to find the right help. I used to really struggle going to sit in those shit little rooms and talking to a pych, who never really seemed to understand me. I mean it made me feel good for a bit, but then the hour was up and I had to leave and pay $150 and I was left wondering what next?

What did make me feel bloody good was talking to someone who also been affected by mental illness.  I was so lucky to meet a few good humans through Onewave who also have bipolar and always having my Dad to talk to. It was like talking to a long lost brother. Being able to go out for a surf and talk to a mate about how they coped with bipolar was the best therapy for me. Just knowing that I wasn’t the only one and I had other bipolar bears to call up if I needed help was unreal.

I didn’t choose to have bipolar, it chose me but thanks to my rad friends and family 2013 has been the year I have learn’t that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you have, if you embrace it and put yourself out there, you will get a whole lot of love and kindness back.

THANK YOU legends for making this happen:)) If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything, I am here anytime.

Happy New Year y'all...Hope you all have a RAD RAD 2014!!! 

PEACE, LOVE & BIG BEAR HUGs XX

ONEWAVE is all it takes...

When I was 14 and my Dad Brucey taught me how to surf, I didn’t realise that one-day surfing would save my life. When I was diagnosed with bipolar and moved back to New Zealand, I struggled to find doctors I could trust and I struggled to find the right medication. One thing that always made me feel better was being in the ocean.  The ocean was the one place I could forget about all the bad vibes from my manic episode and I could just chill the fuck out. It didn’t take long for me to work out that I had discovered the raddest doctor going round…his name is Huey and he dials up these things called waves and once you catch a fun one you can't stop grinning. Surfing gave me hope, that things could get better and I could beat the funk I was in. I call it saltwater therapy and it honestly changed my life.  

I knew from the time I was diagnosed with bipolar that I wanted to do something to get more people talking about mental health. I decided the only way I would ever get over having bipolar was by trying to help others. I didn’t want my friends and family to experience what I did. I had a few ideas, but after some advice from a few wise humans, I decided I should probably focus on getting myself better first.

After a short trip to the States to see my little bro, I moved back to Sydney in June last year. I was so stoked to get back at first, but then I struggled big-time. It brought so many bad memories, I had no job and all my family were in NZ. I was so lucky to have some really amazing friends who had my back. These legends and surfing pulled me through the tough times.

The game changer for me while staying in Sydney and beating the funk was bumping into Sammy Samsum in October, when I was coming out of the surf in Bondi. Sam was the bar manager from the Backroom where I got super loose, the night before I ended up in hospital. I didn’t know Sammy that well then. We had had shared a fair few tequila shots at Backroom, so were pretty much party friends.  I told him the full story about what had happened to me and how I was super keen to start something to kick the stigma of mental health. Sammy the legend was really keen to get involved from the get go. Yeww thanks brother!!!

We surfed a bunch over the next few months and started throwing around some ideas around about what we could do to raise awareness for mental health. It was out in the surf one day that we realised - I had personal experience of tackling bipolar through surfing and Sammy's was a surf instructor, who had experienced how stoked people got from catching their first wave.  We decided lets combine the two and start teaching people how to surf and share the positive effect surfing can have on mental health.

In Feb this year we launched ONEWAVE Surf Community on Instagram @onewaveisallittakes and www.facebook.com/onewaveisallittakes with the following description – ONEWAVE is a non-profit surf community, taking depression and other funks by the balls and throwing them into a Waimea shorey. Let’s do this!

We want people surfing more, talking more and smiling more to help tackle the funk of mental health issues.  ONEWAVE is all it takes… to make your day, make your week or even change your life.

We decided the best way to get people talking about mental health, was by surfing in random attire.  So I got up early on the Friday morning and rocked a shirt and tie with my boardies. I got some random looks, some smiles but mostly people were keen to find out why I was dressed like I was off to a board meeting on the top and party on the bottom. I explained we were doing it to raise awareness for mental health and shared my story with a few people. I was blown away by the amazing support. We decided every Friday morning at 6.30am we would hold a ONEWAVE board meeting…on a surfboard where all board meetings should be.

The first board meeting we were lucky that Beau Jones (SOBO Image) and UGE (Aquabumps) were down shooting. UGE captured the image above.  Thanks to these guys sharing the board meeting pictures we got people asking what the hell is ONEWAVE all about? One of these legends is Joel Pilgrim aka Yewwman. I had never met Joel until ONEWAVE Board Meeting #2. I rocked down to South Bondi with my bowtie on and then this absolute frother comes down the hill with a tuxedo on. We just hugged it out, fuck why not? Joel couldn’t even surf because his back was screwed, but he worked as a Ocupational Therapist in mental health and he was psyched on helping kick the stigma of mental health.  Yewwman you absolute legend!!

Every Friday the crew got bigger and the dress up gold wilder and then we discovered fluro zinc on Anzac Day. The next day board meetings became Fluro Fridays. Now every Friday at 6.30am the ONEWAVE community hits Bondi Beach and Manly for Fluro Fridays. Thanks to the support of some amazing people Fluro Fridays have now taken place at… Tathra, Byron Bay, Jan Juc, Newcastle, WA, NZ, Indonesia, Hawaii, LA, NY, Spain, Fiji, Tahiti.

Thanks to all you legends, we now have this epic little community, who are tackling the funk of mental health issues with surfing, fluro, good vibes and a whole lot of love. ONEWAVE at a time, we are making it easier for people to open up about mental health issues and we are only just getting started. OW!

I heard a guy saying on the radio late last year, that when you start helping others, you forget about your own problems. At the time I was still struggling to deal with my bipolar and coping with working a full time job. Not long after this I quit my job so we could launch ONEWAVE. Every week since then I have started to feel better and better. Sure I still have my down days, but that is just life. I use to get angry about everything I lost because of bipolar. Now I feel I have bipolar for a reason and that is to share my story and my recipe for beating bipolar, so hopefully I can make it a little easier for others dealing with the funk of mental illness. Thanks for all your amazing support...love you long time!!

Bipolar is best shared with friends...

It probably would have easier for me just to hide the fact I am a bipolar bear. I mean most people don't talk about mental illness, because they are embarrassed and think people will judge them. I’m not sure why we hide it…I mean we tell our mates if we have the man flu or a crazy headache. Why do we feel like we have to hide something like mental illness, that affects 1/5 people and takes so many good lives?

The old me would of hidden it. I was too worried about what people would think and didn’t want to hurt anyone. It was much easier just to pretend I was happy. When I first had to go and see a psychologist, I would check to see if I knew anyone was on the street, because I didn’t want them seeing me going to see a pych.

When I first was diagnosed with depression and put on medication, I didn’t want to tell my friends and I sure as hell didn’t want them to know I was on medication. The thing was I just kept blaming myself and thinking I have got no reason to be sad - my friends saw me as this happy dude and I didn’t want it to change. This made it worse because I was actually fighting the feelings instead of feeling them.

They say when you go through the toughest times, you learn the most about myself.  For me this was when I was diagnosed with bipolar in Manly hospital. Things had been so up and down for years, at least now I finally knew what I was dealing with and how I could manage it. When I was in hospital I decided for some reason I wasn’t going to hide the fact that I had bipolar. It may have been the drugs I was on, but for once I thought, who cares what people think. My true friends will stick by me and fuck the rest of them. It was crazy I was in hospital, just diagnosed with bipolar and I felt like I was finally discovering the real me. I decided I am not going to go out and shout to the world that I have bipolar, but if people asked why I had been acting so whack in the week before hospital or why I had been missing in action for a few weeks I would explain.

I started as soon as I got out of hospital. I went for a surf at Manly and bumped into a dude Sam who was Bar Manager at a bar in the Cross, where I got very loose at the night before I went into hospital.  He was like “what was up with you the other night man. You were hectic and you still have a $300 bar tab to pay”.  I was like, shit sorry man I have just come out of hospital and got diagnosed with bipolar. I was on the wrong medication and that’s why I was acting so crazy. He was so good and just said so sorry man; I hope that you’re ok.  The next person I told was the owner of the bar in the Cross. I jumped on the ferry and went and paid the $300 bar tab and explained why I had been so hectic.

The reaction I was getting from people who I didn’t even know very well was one of concern and support rather than judging me like some crazy dude. I figured that if these guys are showing me some love then my close amigos would have my back for sure.

When I went back to NZ I started telling some I my close friends in the surf. These guys were so so amazing over the next few months as I was still doing it real tough; trying to get over everything I had lost in Sydney. It felt so so good just to be open and not hide anything from them.  For once I didn’t have to act like I was happy when I was feeling like shit and they totally understood. After that whenever one of my friends asked me why I was back in NZ, I would tell them the real reason – that I have just found out I had bipolar and needed some time out to chill. I started to put myself out there and I was getting a whole lot of love and hugs back, so I decided this was going to be the way I would beat bipolar.

I started my making a video, telling my story and all the shit I had been through. I wanted to be able to show my family and friends so they could better understand what I was going through. This was one of the hardest most emotional things I have ever done, but shit by the end of it I felt like I had let go of so much built up sadness and anger. I sat down with my family and some of my friends and showed them and they were amazing. THANKS to my best bro Jay Reeve for saying “have you thought about sitting down in front of a camera and letting it all out?” Yeaah buddy big big love for having my back no matter what!

One of the things I said I wanted to do on the video was start a brand called BIG BEAR HUG, to raise awareness for bipolar. It was so rad having something positive to focus on and my good friend Elise Hislop designed this epic logo. But then I realized it wasn’t the best time to launch a brand, as I had to focus on my health, plus I didn’t have any cash. So this BIG BEAR HUG blog was something I thought about starting nearly two years ago, but I wasn’t ready.  Thanks to my family and friends for being there for me no matter what. Most things in life are best shared with friends and thanks to you legends, bipolar is one of themJ 

Saltwater Therapy...

When Mum & Dad picked me up from hospital in Manly, all I could think about was grabbing my board and going for a surf. I wanted to get in the ocean, so I could just chill and forget about all the sad shit, that just gone down.

I grabbed my surfboard and headed out at Manly. The crazy thing was when I got out in the surf; I couldn't even stand up on my board, because my legs were so weak from the medication. I didn't even care; I just lay out back and chilled out. We then went and hired paddled boards, because I had to stand up and shit it felt good when I did. After being trapped in hospital, I felt free again and could finally relax. 

After a couple of nights in Manly we went to Bondi to pack up my stuff and jumped on a plane back to NZ. It was so fuckin sad leaving Sydney. In 2 weeks I had gone from having what I thought was an epic life, to leaving with a few bags, my surfboards and being diagnosed with something called bipolar. After 2 years in Sydney, I didn't know whether I would be back again and I didn't even get to say goodbye to some of my mates. That's the crazy thing about mental illness, most people don't know how to talk about it, so they avoid it and it just gets hidden away. I felt so lonely and lost leaving Sydney, but one thing I knew in my heart was, I wasn't going to let bipolar beat me. I was so so determined to come back to Sydney and have a rad life again.

I am so lucky where my parents live in NZ. It is this chilled out little beachtown called Mount Maunganui, where a whole lot of legends live. The perfect place to recover and get my life back on track. From Mum & Dads place, I could just grab my board and run down for a surf.  When I first got back to NZ, I was struggling to sit still for longer than 5 minutes and could hardly sleep, because the medication was too strong and it made me heaps edgy. Every morning I would sit watching out the window, waiting for the sun to come up, so I could go get some waves with my Dad Brucey and my mates. Shit it felt so good to be back out there surfing again and it really helped me relax and forget about everything.  I pretty much would surf all day errrday. I had so much energy and honestly I started to smile again and started to think, fuck I’m gonna beat this bipolar thing. I would catch one good wave and I couldn't stop thinking about it. That wave would keep me so stoked until the next surf and would help me forget about all the sad shit that just happened.

 I didn't know it at the time, but a life changing moment for me happened when I was surfing at my favourite place in the world Matakana Island, with my Dad and my mates.  I had talked to my Dad in the surf before about Bipolar, but I had never told my mates. I was out the back and I was talking to my good mate Ashman and started to tell him the real reason I was back home was because I have got bipolar. He was so damn rad, so supportive and didn't judge me at all. I remember catching a wave after that and thinking fuck yeah, that felt so good just to get it off my chest. Then I was paddling back out, grinning and shit and my good mate Andy was like… shit bro sorry did I hear you say that you have bipolar? I was like yeah man, but its all good, at least I know what I have to deal with now ay. He was such a legend. Pretty much said bro it's gonna be all good. We have got your back, anytime you want to go for a wave or you need to yarn, I am here for ya.

They say in life it's all about finding the right recipe. I know for me that part of the right recipe is living near the ocean and surfing everyday ‘Saltwater therapy’. I have also learn’t that, if you put yourself out there, you will get a whole lot of love and kindness back.  My family, my close mates and the ocean have been there for me no matter what and that's what life is all about.

THANKS LEGENDS...Because of you guys, I am smiling again and that feels so effin rad!! I have got your back 4LyfJ Yeww!!

BIG BIG LOVE XX