Why is asking for help so damn hard?

I don’t know what it is about the word ‘help’ but it has to be one of the hardest words to get out of your mouth. I mean who wants to admit that they are struggling? Who wants to show they might have a weakness?

Suffering from a mental health issue like depression or anxiety is not a weakness, it is a sign you have been battling on your own for far too long. Asking for help is actually one of the bravest things you will ever do.

I remember the first time I asked for help. It took me 10 years of suffering from anxiety and depression to do this and I was shitting myself. I had done a presentation that day at work and I thought I had really fucked it up. Apparently I hadn’t screwed it up at all, it was actually all in my head but my anxiety was telling me that I had. For some reason that day I told my girlfriend at the time I needed to go to the doctor and get help. I was so done with anxiety taking over my life. It was crazy, on a good day nothing worried me at work, getting up and presenting was sweet as, but on a bad day I couldn’t even reply to an email or some days couldn’t even get out of bed for work.

In the waiting room in the doctors that day I felt like such a failure. Here’s a guy with an amazing family and friends, good job who should be loving life about to admit that he is struggling when nothing is actually wrong. WTF? But here’s the thing… mental health issues like depression don’t discriminate, you can have what looks like the most amazing life on the outside but on the inside every day is a battle with the negative thoughts inside your head.

That day was actually the first time I started to get better. As soon as I told the doctor... look I’m really really struggling at the moment and I don’t know why? She said "if you go outside and walk down the street right now it looks like everyone is loving life, but the thing is everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. So many people are hurting on the inside but don’t ask for help because they are embarrassed. You asking for help today is the the one thing that is going to help you get better". That actually changed my life…for once I didn’t feel like a failure for not being happy, for once I didn’t blame myself, for once it felt ok not to be ok.

I guess the reason why I’m writing this is to let you know that no matter how much you are struggling, you’re not alone and there is always someone that has your back. All you need to do is ask. So make sure you do because the World needs more good humans like you.

:: Free the Funk

Being in a funk is the weirdest feeling ever. One day you’re feeling sweet and the next day you can't get the negative feelings out of your head. Sometimes you see it coming and other times it just comes from nowhere. A funk may be kicked off by a chemical imbalance, a break up, shit times at work, a massive night out, money troubles or no damn reason at all. The one thing I know is that it fucken hurts.
 
When a funk hits the natural thing to do is to fight it. Why is this happening to me? I don't deserve this shit. We hide it because we don't want anyone to know we're struggling. We sometimes see it as a weakness, but it's not. I found out that fighting the feelings just drags out the shit times and makes everything suck way more.
 
Like many people, I have had to deal with some shitty funks in my life, but it's only since being diagnosed with bipolar 3 years ago that I have kind of worked out how to deal with them. I can go for weeks where I feel that-good and then for some reason out of nowhere bam, I start getting anxiety and depression again and want to lay low for a while. If I didn't tell my family and good buddies when I was struggling it would be so damn hard, because I would just build up the negative feelings in my head, rather than letting them go. It would do my bloody head in. No one deserves to go through a funk alone.
 
I think the key thing is being kind to yourself and focusing on doing the things that make you feel good. For me that's the moment I get in the ocean or the moment I get on a chairlift with my snowboard on. That moment nothing else matters and shit that feels good. Also make sure you talk to someone you trust about the things that are making you feel shit and let it all out. At the end of the day we're only human, we all have our down days, let's talk about them so we can help a brother/sister out.  Don't worry about what people think...the good people will have your back no matter what. Just remember you're a good human with a good heart and in time this funk shall pass. You got this!

 

 

 

 

 
:: BIG BEAR HUG

::Bipolar...the balance of opposites

If somebody told me 5 years ago I have bipolar, I probably would have said they didn't know shit and walked away. I didn't understand what bipolar was and I didn't want to.  Looking back this is so crazy knowing my best mate Brucey aka Dad has lived with bipolar for 10 years. It took me having a manic episode, being handcuffed and  taken to hospital, before I was finally diagnosed with bipolar. It was a pretty hectic journey that lead me here. I was first diagnosed with perfectionism after struggles with anxiety and depression. I was then diagnosed with depression after a severe anxiety attack in Mexico and put on antidepressants. These antidepressants made me feel that good, I didn't need to sleep much...so I thought it would be a sweet idea to party a lot and spend all my money on bar tabs for the surf team, quit my tequila marketing job and start a charity called where the party at!?

I thought I was finally living the dream until I decided to steal a surf club paddle board and paddle around the semi final of Australian Surf Open. 5 minutes later I was handcuffed and taken to the mental health ward of Manly Hospital. 10 days later I was to find out the reason I had gone from being a cruiser with a smile on the outside, but anxiety and depression battles on the inside, to a maddawg who was going so fast I was losing sense of reality...was because I have bipolar and I had been put on the wrong medication. The antidepressants had lifted me so high up, I hit the manic state of bipolar. I thought I was living the dream, when actually I was creating a fuckin nightmare...I just couldn't see it coming.

But it's not all bad. If that didn't happen I would probably still be battling on with anxiety and depression today and pretending to be sweet. For some reason hitting rock bottom made me accept having bipolar. I was actually like thank fuck, at least I know what I have now. Some people ask me what bipolar is and what it's like to live with. The way I see it is we're all different and we all have our ups and downs, but when you have bipolar the ups and downs can be more extreme.

For me the extreme ups can be manic episodes and I have experienced two of these where I have ended up in hospital. These are so fun until you hit hospital then they really really suck. The downs for me are depression and anxiety. The medication I take is lithium and it basically balances you in the middle to protect you from the highs and lows. The shit thing is that it dulls your mood, so it takes away some of your natural highs. If I didn't have to I would ditch the meds for sure, but for now it's part of my recipe to manage bipolar, along with saltwater, surfing and good people and I'm constantly trying to find the right recipe to make me feel good and keep me balanced.

Different people have different experiences with bipolar. Some have lows that last for weeks, some years. Some have never been to hospital for a manic episode and some are in an out of hospital way too much. At the end of the day we're all good people trying to navigate life with the funks that come our way. Let's have each other's backs no matter what you have, because you can't beat kindness and a whole lot of love.

Massive thank you to the ledgies who have had my back. I frickin love ya.

Here's to a bagus year in 2015!

BIG BEAR HUG xx