Don't fight the feelings..

The day I worked out it’s actually ok not to be happy all of the time, is the day I started living.

When I used to get down the old me would have been thinking “Why the hell am I not happy? I have a rad family, sweet job, so many good humans in my life. I thought I had no reason to be sad” That just made it so much worse because the negative vibes just kept building up…I was fighting the feelings instead of just feeling them and letting my feelings do their thing.

This resulted in me hiding just how depressed I actually was from my friends and family. I wanted them to still see me as this happy dude who loves life and I certainly didn’t want to go and see a doctor and admit I was suffering from the big black dog. Mum and Dad asked a bunch of times if I wanted to go see a doctor and I would always say “nah don’t worry I will be sweet”.

I didn’t realise at the time that if I had listened to my Mum & Dad then, I could have avoided being hit with crazy anxiety and depression on a trip to Mexico, where I nearly didn’t make it back. I could have avoided days and days of pretending I was happy when I was hurting like hell. I could have avoided being put on the wrong medication, which led to a manic episode at the Aussie surf open and 10 days in the mental health ward of Manly hospital. But hey they say everything happens for a reason, and yep sometimes these things hurt like hell...but at least now I know I have bipolar and everyday I’m learning how to live life as a bipolar bear.

Quite a few people ask me what bipolar actually is. The way I see it is that everyone experiences highs and lows in life and if you have bipolar like me the lows are a bit lower than most people and the highs are a bit higher. It’s all about finding the right recipe to stay balanced, so you can make the most of the good things about having bipolar. One part of my recipe I have discovered is feeling the feelings instead of fighting them. If I’m feeling down, I’m like shit I need to do something to get the positive vibes going instead of getting frustrated at myself.  So I grab my  board and go for a surf or hang with my family or friends and talk about whats going on or sometimes I just wanna chill by myself. The one thing I know is that with time the negative vibes will pass, I just need to ride it out.

One of the important things for me is realizing that it’s ok to have shit days because it makes the good days even radder. It just feels good to be yourself and you realise pretty quick who the good humans in your life are. Feelings are there to be felt, so let them flow and the good vibes will follow.

BIG BEAR HUG