What the hell is bipolar?

According to Sane Australia bipolar disorder affects the normal functioning of the brain, so that the person experiences extreme moods-very high and over-excited or very low and depressed. People with bipolar can become high, over-excited and reckless or imagine they are more important or influential than they are in real life. They can also become extremely low, feeling helpless and depressed.

I had no idea what bipolar really was until I ended up in the mental health ward of Manly hospital in Feb 2012. I knew that my Dad Brucey had bipolar, but it is not until you experience a manic episode yourself, that you really understand. It was a crazy lead up to my first manic episode. I had been put on antidepressants 3 months earlier after having really bad anxiety and depression on a trip to Mexico. I nearly didn't make it back from this trip and had to take a month of work as depression hit me hard. Then 4 weeks after being prescribed antidepressants the little badboys started to kick in - I called them my 'pepe' pills, because they made me feel so damn good. They say that when the medication kicks in a dark cloud lifts - for me it felt like the sun came out and I felt alive again. For 3 months I was getting shit done and loving it. I was working as a brand manager for 3 tequila and vodka brands and I was getting so excited about throwing these crazy tequila party’s. I was starting to live off less and less sleep, but somehow I still had so much energy.

Then at the start of Feb when I thought I finally had everything under control, I was actually heading for my first manic episode. On Friday night I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. I moved to Manly where I was throwing some tequila parties for the Aussie Surf Open. By Wednesday night I had racked up a few thousand in bar tabs for a surf team on my personal account. On Thursday I walked in to my work dressed as a Jimador (Mexican tequila harvester) and said I wanted to quit to start a charity called 'Where the party at?' On Friday night I partied until 6am and then went straight out surfing and I still felt so good. On Saturday I made a post on my Facebook page saying I was starting a 'where the party at' tour around Australia. Mum and Dad saw this and were getting super worried. Saturday arvo my friends came across from Bondi to make sure I was ok and they managed to somehow convince me to go back to Coogee. I had a sleep and then said I’m going out partying and there was no was they were going to stop me. I partied in the cross that night and tried to break up a fight and got punched by some muscle man and I ended up in hospital. I snuck out of hospital and jumped in a cab back to Manly. 

The next morning I decided I wanted to raise money for the SURFAID Charity, so I went shopping at surfection co-op. I filled a trolley with sunnies and clothes and I thought it was a rad idea to buy them and auction them off - crazy when you think I would have raised way less that I paid for sure. Lucky I couldn’t pay for them. That’s the thing with having a manic episode you get these rad ideas in your head and it's all you can think about, you thinks it's meant to be, but your not thinking rationally like normal. I mean the thing is you are actually trying to do really good things to help people, but you don’t know where you stop.  At the time it felt like I was having the time of my life, but looking back now I realise by this stage, I was on a party bus and no one else was with me. Below are a few pics during the Aussie Open.

About an hour later after stealing a surf club paddle board and paddling around the surf comp, I was taken to hospital and my mum and dad had just arrived from NZ to see this happen. This was the most hectic experience of my life. The one time where I was happy and I thought things were all falling into place they actually came crashing down.

I was later to find out in hospital, the reason I acted like this was because I am a bipolar bear. This was so damn hard to accept, but at least I knew what I had to deal with now. Not everyone has to experience a manic episode to find out they have bipolar, but I was on the wrong medication and this sent me into the high zone. I spent most of my time in hospital thinking about how I could make something positive from having bipolar. I wanted something to focus on that would stop me being so angry about having bipolar. I wanted something that would help me and help others cope with having bipolar. I wasn’t sure what it was but it was going to happen!