I’m not normally a hater…but there is one
thing I hate like nothing on earth and that is anxiety. Anxiety brings nothing
but bad vibes. How can something change someone from being a happy, confident,
chilled person to… someone who can’t even face opening emails at work, someone
who can’t leave the bathroom at work after they thought they screwed up a
presentation, someone who can’t face going to work because they thought they
really screwed up a presentation, someone who can’t go out and face their
friends, someone who can’t leave a hotel room in Mexico because they have
nearly given up hope. That happened to me and anxiety turned me into completely
different human...a human I don’t want to see again.
The thing with anxiety is that you don’t
know when it’s going to show up. It just turns up when you least expect it and
makes you doubt every little thing about yourself. I wish I could see it coming, so I could just kick it in the balls. The thing I have discovered living
with bipolar, is that it's not just about trying to balance the ups and downs; it is
the anxiety in between that can really knock you down. I was in Bali last week
and I arrived from NZ ready for this epic holiday. What I forgot about was how
much changing time zones can screw me over sometimes with bipolar. It was only
4 hours time difference, but I was waking up at 3am every morning for the first
few days. When I can’t sleep I get anxiety. For the first few days I was super
anxious. As soon as I got in the ocean surfing the anxiety eased, but it took a
few days to really relax. So anxiety will try and wreck your holidays as well.
I used to try and fight the feelings, but this made it worse. Now If I feel it
coming now I know I need to get in the ocean asap, I need to talk about it and I
need sleep. If I try and hide it, anxiety really sucks the life out of me.
I am seeing less and less of anxiety, but
it still turns up uninvited from time to time. Anxiety is the giver of bad
vibes and ain’t nobody got time for that. All I know is that anxiety is not my
friend, it never will be and it sure as hell won’t be invited to my wedding!!
Whenever that is haha.
BIG BEAR HUG
